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If your kids value something they will happily take it when you are gone. If they don't, they won't, and you shouldn't try to force it on them. It's all just stuff, and what someone considers an heirloom another might place no personal value in. If you know your kids don't want your stuff you should make plans to pass it along to someone, organization, etc. that does value it and use it appropriately, as some have discussed above. In any case, do your kids a favor and get rid of as much stuff as you can before it becomes their burden.
John
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(10-20-2018, 01:28 PM)jteneyck Wrote: If your kids value something they will happily take it when you are gone. If they don't, they won't, and you shouldn't try to force it on them. It's all just stuff, and what someone considers an heirloom another might place no personal value in. If you know your kids don't want your stuff you should make plans to pass it along to someone, organization, etc. that does value it and use it appropriately, as some have discussed above. In any case, do your kids a favor and get rid of as much stuff as you can before it becomes their burden.
John
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I think that, if it's something that you personally made, you should put your name and date on it and maybe the location it was made, along with the person's name you made it for. If that means anything to your children, they will keep it, but remember, it "may" not mean as much to your grandchildren when your kids pass...and probably even less to your GGC...Just take a look at the old family photographs we see in thrift stores like the Salvation Army, Goodwill etc...That will give you an idea of just how much things mean to future generations....you can't get much more personal than family photos....
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10-20-2018, 05:39 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-20-2018, 05:41 PM by hbmcc.)
The catalyst for my post was a 96-yr-old Scot who came to the charity I volunteer at. She threatened to cudgel me several times over a two-plus hours stay because I didn't pursue any interest in my Scottish past. A thoroughly entertaining lady. She expressed the same worries most of you bring up.
We act like digital records are permanent and a great way to shrink our records. But, to be useful, the record needs to be constantly updated or it can't be opened, surprisingly soon after recording. Turns out, paper is far more durable than electronic records. I agree that historical family identification and knowledge are key things to preserve. But, how much? Genealogy is less important to even my generation; I remember the second cousins droning on about other cousins. Crap, I don't even know how they were connected to me. But this isn't the subject of the post.
When do heirlooms turn into hoarding? I point out objects important to me as heirlooms. Some tools may be valuable to my son, however he is not manually inclined and few tools will remain in his hands. My cousins kept every piece of correspondence they received. When we closed the house their father built, there were bundles of cards, letters with envelopes dating back to the turn of the 20th century. Crates of it moved with them to a nursing home. Correspondence was the most important possession they had. I think a closer relative (first cousin) grabbed them to sell the postage, after the ladies passed on.
So, how do we organize and package the valuables so they aren't considered dunnage?
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No sweat either way. If the kids want something I made or have they can have it when I'm gone or before. If they don't , no problem. It is after all just stuff. I wouldn't want to force some reverence on them of some material thing just because it was created by me or passed down in the family. I hope I can pass along more lasting things like my faith, honesty, integrity, perseverance, respect of others, work ethic and other values that should be passed along from generation to generation but in our culture seem to be disappearing.
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I've not had the problem, my grandparents were turn of the century immigrants, brought absolutely nothing with them. As far as tools, my father tried real hard, but was not particularly talented nor inclined to build things, more of doing things himself because he couldn't afford to hire it out. So I have basically a hammer or two, and one Atkins saw from him, the rest of the stuff was very low quality. I have no clue what I'll do with my tools; when I'm done hopefully I can find some organization that supports young craftspersons, as I have no children, they just weren't in the cards for me and my bride.
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If it’s an heirloom to you, then hold onto it as long as you desire. You’re children will cherish whatever they like as an heirloom in their eyes and they might not even realize what will be an heirloom to them until it comes down to making decisions about things after you pass on.
I have the dining room table my father made and some of his tools. My brothers, not being into ww and such as I am, have a couple tools just for keepsake. My sisters have some things they found an interest in after both mom and dad had both passed. One of my nieces has a very old pair of safety glasses my dad used because she and a nephew had worked on a project together with my dad when she was like 10 and she wore those safety glasses and so that’s her heirloom.
Another one of the heirlooms to me that I have is the Tupperware sugar dispenser that’s older than me. It’s just a plastic sugar dispenser, but it reminds me of home.
Some say to do your kids a favor and dump all your belongings before you die. That’s understandable from a pragmatic viewpoint, but I say do your kids a favor and hold onto everything (well within some reasonable measure to you at least). Let them decide what’s an heirloom to them after you pass. And cleaning up my home will be an important part of their grieving process too. I know that from my experience.
Ray
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I've been following this thread and hesitant to jump in. Mostly that's because of my own conflicted feelings on the matter.
I agree with those who said, "You can't make the next generation value what you value." It's been this way since there was a succeeding generation.
I also firmly believe that not everything is worth carrying forward. My mother and father saved every cancelled check for so many years. They didn't pitch anything. When my father died, we spent days at the shredder, going through 40+ years of stuff. We ended up keeping a couple binders worth of paper, but most of it went to the trash. It's not a repudiation of their lives, it's simply recognition that we can't build rooms and annexes on our homes to house paper that doesn't mean anything.
We are the second generation of a career military family. Both my wife and I are military brats and we had our own 27-year sojourn. Our daughter is married to a career military officer and has her own civil service career with the military. We couldn't pack around all the stuff, that's just a fact of life. So we only kept documents of true value to us and our extended family. We have the telegram my grandmother received notifying her that my uncle was KIA. We also have the flag he was buried under when his remains were repatriated in 1946. We have selected letters between our uncles and grandmother during the war. We have a small stack of pictures from generations before our parents showing their lives in the years before and during the Great Depression. Those have been digitized for easy sharing and storage. The photos themselves are deteriorating.
My father had a fair amount of tools. Most were Craftsman tools. I still have a couple left, but I'm not a tool collector, and if a tool like his old Craftsman router was replaced in favor of a better unit, than that old tool went away. My father tended to buy tools intending to use them, but it seemed as if once he bought a tool, he lost interest in it and moved on to the next thing. Those tools aren't heirlooms.
My in-laws have a house full of stuff. They're in their mid-80s. I'm dreading the time when they pass and we have to sift through thousands of pounds of bric-a-brac. Various small collections of incomplete sets of MacDonald's cartoon character glasses, beany babies, glass trinkets, etc. will simply go in the donation bin or dumpster. My wife and I have already talked about this, and we're only keeping stuff of true value. The rest will be sold or donated. My father-in-laws tools are really not of value. He has a shop shed that has a Shop-Smith in it and a pile of power and hand tools. However, the rust reigns supreme in that shed. I don't think much good will come out of it.
Digitize what you can. We have done that with many of the valuable artifacts. We share it online with family and they're appreciative. You can debate about the safety and longevity, but both physical paper and digits in the ether have their own drawbacks.
Lastly, make a decision on what's truly valuable and worth passing on. If everything is of equal high value, then nothing is high-value.
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(10-20-2018, 12:36 AM)Hank Knight Wrote: I've finally come to grips with the fact that I can't pass on values that are lost on my children. These things are just that - things, personal property, inanimate objects. It's pointless to attach too much emotion and sentiment to them. It's OK for me to enjoy them, but I can't expect others to have the same reverence for them that I have. If they do, great. If they don't, it doesn't matter. None of this will matter when I'm gone.
^^^^^
This, most emphatically this!
When the time comes, I'll either be gone or in no condition to worry about it. I love the idea of stuff staying in the family for generations, but realistically it just doesn't happen all that often, compared to the volume of stuff we accumulate. Think of it this way...if your stuff ends up in a yard sale, flea market, estate sale or auction, at least someone will be able to appreciate it and enjoy it.
If you are going down a river at 2 mph and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to shingle your roof?
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(10-21-2018, 10:06 AM)Bill Wilson Wrote: Think of it this way...if your stuff ends up in a yard sale, flea market, estate sale or auction, at least someone will be able to appreciate it and enjoy it.
That's my view, as in terms of tools, I've been the beneficiary of many a sale or auction, so turn around seems like fair play to me!
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When we were very young Dad built a small trunk, painted it with everyday highlights we experienced up to that time, and put into it the most important things of his and Mom's life. Through the paintings I remembered my first dog King, the summer of the toads. I didn't need the chicken reminders. I was terrified of the roosters.
Mom was so mad because he included photos of nudes with his Air Corps photography album. We boys knew everything the trunk contained. In the end, we divided the trunk between the three of us boys. I have Mom's dream home plan with the window over the sink so she could toss out the dirty water.
I guess the house plan may not survive, nor the other Grandpa's "ranch" (farm) pictures, but I hope to have a small box with his mother and dad's most important stuff tucked away into it. He will make his own decisions about the box's future.
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