Humor for Woodworkers

[Ohio Mike]

Custom furniture maker William Douglas pokes a little fun at the questions he gets from potential customers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9bVfkSg...ploademail 



Mike

[mongo]

Custom furniture maker William Douglas pokes a little fun at the questions he gets from potential customers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9bVfkSg...ploademail 



Mike

Yeah hear those from coworkers.  The stuff about comparing prices to Ikea and wayfair is spot on.

Once I pointed out that to make something nice would take probably 40hrs....  lady says you can take as many hours as I need.  I said if I had any interest in doing this I would be billing by the hour plus materials.....  deer in the headlights.... 

So glad I do this as a hobby so I just turn people down.  If I ever actually sell my work I am sure I would have even crazier stories.

[Robin Dobbie]

This is a classic, too

[toolmiser]

I made a football designed cutting board for a fundraiser at my kid's school. It was on a raffle with other items, current price was $90.00. Someone who knew I made it asked if I would make them one. We said bid on that one, they said they didn't want the other "stuff". I took that to mean that I should make one for a lot less than $90.00. I didn't tell them the one for raffle had a twin at my house.

Maybe I'm a snob, but my time and talent is worth a little something. Let alone cost of materials, blades, and tools.

[Robin Dobbie]

they said they didn't want the other "stuff". I took that to mean...

I would love it if someone approached me for a $90 cutting board and wanted one for half off. Show them a picture of a simpler, long-grain board with no customization and you're looking at potentially higher dollar/shop-minute earnings.

[BrokenOlMarine]

I was showing pics of a small lacewood keepsake box to a friend at work, and another coworker said she would love to have one.  I told her depending on the size, between $100 and $150.  She nearly had a stroke.  I told her the solid brass hinges were $35, the lock was $20, the wood was $30.  Then there are consumables and labor.

I can get a nice box that size for $15 at K-mart, the gal said.  I told her that's where she should go.  The friend who had actually asked to see the pics, said $125 was fine, and was thrilled when hers was done.

Years ago, I sometimes sold a piece here and their to pay for shop consumables, or a new tool here and there, but rarely took "orders.". But, a friend had told a friend that I sometimes made custom boxes and the lady wanted a special box made for keepsakes.  She wanted this size, and those hinges, and oh my, that curly maple...

I asked for the cost of materials up front, estimated the labor, due on delivery.  I reminded her that perfection would be a goal, but not guaranteed since I did the actual work, it wasn't cnc'd.  I worked during my off hours, so... Ten days?  No problem. 


She called every other day.
When the box was done, it was beautiful, Miss Tina loved it.
The lady shows up, and immediately begins to pick apart the project.  
Imaginary flaws, 
nuances in grain are cracks, 
spaulting in the maple becomes uneveness in the stain.
Play of light on the wax is a scuff.
You get the picture...

Like buying a used car, she is trying to drive down the balance due.



I reach into the desk, pull out the envelope with her advance, and hand it to her.  I never spent money before it was mine.
" Sorry you weren't happy with the work, but my wife loves it, and her birthday is next week. A win, win. " I said, as I gently escort her out the door. Suddenly,  she finds herself standing beside her car, holding her downpayment, boxless.

I turned and walked back in the shop, closed the door, and turned on the dust collector.  She stood at the door waving for a minute, then got the message.  She got in her car and left. 

So, after a few more picky, whiney buyers, I quit dealing with them.  These days I give away stuff to family, use it in the home, or donate it.



I might do a rare small project for a friend, but that's not a sale... Sometimes they pay for materials.

[K. L. McReynolds]

About 20+ years ago, I made a desk with a matching bookcase to fit a specific space, using oak ply. The ply was $49 a sheet and I used 5 sheets. I banded a MDF top with oak(1" wide) and laminated Formica to it. Beveled the edges and made bullnosed trim to cover the ply edges. One side was a computer space with slide out shelf and the other had four drawers of different heights. Made a storage module over the top (just sitting on the desk top) The only metal in the desk was the slides and the handles. It was designed for a specific space and each drawer for a specific storage purpose. The bookcase was designed as a companion piece. No metal(other than brads to hold the trim til the glue dried------).

So, about $350 or so in materials. I've had several people ask what it would cost to make today. I tell them if I were to sell them, I'd charge $950. That is actually low, since Big Box oak ply is horrible and similar quality from a lumber yard is $120+.

[stillgotten]

I couldn't imagine doing this for a living, I enjoy it too much to ruin it like that.

[fredhargis]

I couldn't imagine doing this for a living, I enjoy it too much to ruin it like that.

That^^^^^^, plus all the stuff listed above is why I won't make anything for anyone outside the immediate family. I had some bunsinees cards printed (a $10 job from one of the on-line printers) and right below my name is printed "not for hire". I truly believe the customer is always right......but I don't have to (or want to) put up with that.

[6270_Productions]

I couldn't imagine doing this for a living, I enjoy it too much to ruin it like that.

I tell people:  When you put the money in it - it takes the fun out of it.  I do it for the fun of it.


Good - Fast - Cheap

Choose any two.  They always say Good and Cheap - leaving Fast on the table.  I tell them I have been working on my spiral staircase in my house for eighteen years and am still not done.  I started on it when I retired - eighteen years ago.  You would think I could find the time to finish it.  You would also think, if I can't find the time to finish my own project;  I won't be able to find the time to do their project.